Fannish 5: Five Fanfic Cliches I Hate

[kangeiko]

Five fanfic cliches I hate:

OK, I very nearly started off listing the five fandom cliches I hate, but they're something else entirely, aren't they? So, here we go.

1. 'Slash' involves making one of the characters effeminate
Nothing makes me click 'back' faster than the emasculation of one of the main characters. Having Spike or Mulder or Daniel Jackson referred to as having the body of a 'willowy young boy' does this thing to me where I sorta throw up a little. Stop it. Just - stop it.

2. Het happiness means marriage and babies
If I come across a fic where a character gets pregnant, has an abortion and then decides that it was the right thing to do? I'm going to marry the author. Because all female characters, no matter how gutsy and ballsy, want to do, it appears, is get married and have babies. If they get pregnant before marriage? Ooops, well, the baby will bring our two lovebirds together! I have seen this done in the Veronica Mars fandom and - urgh! urgh! urgh! Whatever happened to cohabitation without a ring or small miniature copies of yourselves running around? Why is there so much baby!fic out there??

3. The two people who hate each other have the best sex - and it brings them together for LOVE&HAPPINESS
Yep, I'm guilty of the first part of this one, mainly because I've found that it also works in real life. HOWEVER, I have at least never deluded myself that good sex = love&happiness, and the next person who writes a post-Confidence Man lovefest-ing Sayid & Sawyer snuggling because of the happiness-making powers of Sawyer's amazing magical cock will have my foot so up her arse that she'll be able to use the heel as a toothpick.

4. Rape heals all wounds
Yeah, this one makes me so angry I could kill things. Rape does not lead to healing sex, and so using it as a plot device to bring your favourite characters together? IS BEYOND TACKY. It's actually very very distasteful. Sure, tv is several steps removed from reality, but in what possible world could the brutal rape of a character lead to healing sex immediately after, making the rape the catalyst for love&happiness? I'm thinking of a specific CSI fic in this instance, where just that happened. I stopped reading said author's fic from that point onwards.

5. First time penetrative sex = orgasms all around
Yeah, that'll happen.

Comments

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

If I come across a fic where a character gets pregnant, has an abortion and then decides that it was the right thing to do? I'm going to marry the author.

*cough*

And Don't Have Any Kids Yourself (http://likeadeuce.livejournal.com/496926.html).

(OK, it's not actually a finished story; and Wesley and Lilah aren't exactly the models of good behavior, but at least I hope most would agree they shouldn't be having babies).

[kangeiko]

(OK, it's not actually a finished story; and Wesley and Lilah aren't exactly the models of good behavior, but at least I hope most would agree they shouldn't be having babies).

Oh God! *shudders at the mere thought* - I remember starting to read this fic, I really loved it. Have you added new parts to it??? *runs off to read*

[likeadeuce.livejournal.com]

*guilty*

I don't know the last part you read, but not lately.

It does need a last chapter.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

5. First time penetrative sex = orgasms all around
Yeah, that'll happen.

*laugh*
Well, one side is sure to have an orgasm. Well, if the penetrating side's a guy, I mean.

[kangeiko]

*giggle* well, yeah, but I care less about his...

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Indeed! Not the point.

[fantasyenabler.livejournal.com]

All I can say is this is "Quit reading my mind!" because I am so *there* with you on all of this, particularly numbers one and four, because I find them annoying and offensive, respectively.

[fantasyenabler.livejournal.com]

Should be "to this is."

I really need to stopy drive-by posting...

[kangeiko]

It's just such a major turn-off, you know?

"Quit reading my mind!"

*rubs hands together with evil glee*

[kelly-holden.livejournal.com]

1. 'Slash' involves making one of the characters effeminate
Ugh, I hate that one. There is a character in one of my fandoms who is young, slender, upper class, and an absolute complete control freak. Read some slash starring him not long ago, and the authors nearly all had him as a flirtatious, submissive, girly bottom. By personality, this character ought to be a top, if we really need to polarise gender like that, but because he's young, small, and cultured they make him willingly give up all control, even though it's incredibly out of character.

[kangeiko]

By personality, this character ought to be a top, if we really need to polarise gender like that,

I think I love you. *loves you* The whole thing drives me nuts, and I'm not sure I have the words to express it. Firstly, that you have the small/large = submissive/dominant binary, and then that it uses the binary to begin with. It's a Harlequin romance, where anyone not fitting their prescribed roles is castigated. *grits teeth*

Which partly explains why I'm such a big fan of nicely done gender-bend fic, 'cause it sets about exploding all of those social constructions.

but because he's young, small, and cultured they make him willingly give up all control, even though it's incredibly out of character.

It boggles the mind, doesn't it? It also tends to happen to whoever is blonde or 'fair' - 'cause automatically the prettier of the two has to be the bottom. And, also, bottom = submissive. Qu'est ce que le fuck?

[omearalee.livejournal.com]

No kidding. One would think that in a world as advance as ours that people could figure out that most people don't fall into the roles as prescribed by victorian normalcy. Not that slash itself does in the first place, but... :bitter:

[msilverstar]

Word. On all of those. I haven't written abortion fic but I may well. I did co-write a sex-during-menstruation fic. Also, a gay weddingfic in which one partner hated being fucked.

[kangeiko]

I did co-write a sex-during-menstruation fic. Also, a gay weddingfic in which one partner hated being fucked.

That's so cool! Which fandoms, if you don't mind my asking?

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

Here via metafandom.

3. The two people who hate each other have the best sex - and it brings them together for LOVE&HAPPINESS

But what if the LOVE&HAPPINESS means they no longer have good sex, so they start hating each other again, and they start having great sex again, and then the LOVE&HAPPINESS, but then--

[kangeiko]

But what if the LOVE&HAPPINESS means they no longer have good sex, so they start hating each other again, and they start having great sex again, and then the LOVE&HAPPINESS, but then--

Ah, 'tis The Circle of Sex. Yes.

[coneyislandbaby]

From Metafandom.

I agree on all of these but as I've just started watching Lost on DVD of course #3 caught my eye.

After I finished giggling, all I could think was: People write post-Pilot Sawyer/Sayid with lovefest-ing? Are we truly watching the same show?

[kangeiko]

You think I'm joking, and yet... *sigh* Who knew that bamboo-under-the-fingernails was as romantic as dinner and roses?

[coneyislandbaby]

This is fandom. I know you aren't joking. I just found the idea really funny in a trainwreck kind of way.

Of course blissful happy anyone-on-Lost seems odd...

[paige-lighter.livejournal.com]

Yep another person here from Metafandom and can I just say 'hell yes' to al the points, esp the bady/marriage one, I hate how actual fandom does that too *glares at Charmed writers*

Also - 5. First time penetrative sex = orgasms all around
Yeah, that'll happen.

Yeah I recently wrote a first time fic where the guy came in 3 minutes, I did feel a little bad for the muse, but at least I feel it was realistic!

[kangeiko]

I've recentl started reading Lois & Clark fanfic which is 1) weird, as I watched the show when I was a kid, for crying out loud, and 2) informative, as writers all have Clark coming within about three thrusts. Well, he is a virgin... It's just about the only fandom I've ever seen that writes first-time fic that even considers it - and he's supposed to be superhuman!

[tya-rc.livejournal.com]

There's no word to say how much I hate 4#. Seriously. Why when authors want to give their characters some depth do they always go for the rape thing?
I can't count how many time Greg has been raped and how Nick is the one person he talks about it and then they have great sex. STOP THAT!
It's usually so badly written that it makes my head aches.

As for 5... it happens on M/M sex. For M/F sex, it can happens too... but sure, the cliche "He penetrated her, she hurt a little and then everything was pleasure" is totally silly.

The main reasons why we don't like these cliches is probably that they are mainly written by bad writers. If a good, sensful writer I trust starts doing that kind of fic, I'll follow. If it's someone who constantly does OOC characters, I'll quit.

[kangeiko]

I can't count how many time Greg has been raped and how Nick is the one person he talks about it and then they have great sex. STOP THAT!

What I find absolutely unbelievable is how they often ignore the very real physical trauma that often accompanies rape. Basically, within a few hours of a brutal assault the characters are up and ready to go - the entire thing makes me sick.

[halfshellvenus.livejournal.com]

Here via a metafandom friend.

Love #1, and also #5.

I like men to be _men_ in slash. Same for kissing picSpam, actually. If they're girly, well-- it's pretty darn close to Het, which I don't read. And also, if you make the characters unrecognizable for me, I won't read it no matter what it is.

And for #5... give me a break. It _might_ work in Gay sex, if the one guy knows what he's doing and the other isn't scared half-to-death. But in HetSex... god, no. In fact, studies say, mostly no even if the female 'recipient' has lots of experience in this area.

So hand-in-hand with that goes the type of comment I get once in a blue moon, which is that sex without penetration is not 'real intercourse.' Hey, if everyone's getting off and it's intimate, it doesn't get much more real than that. Especially if, well ... see rant about #5 again. :)

[kangeiko]

Hee! Yes. :)

[mythdefied.livejournal.com]

1. 'Slash' involves making one of the characters effeminate

The writers I usually see that are most guilty of this travesty are the ones coming from anime fandoms where (in Japanese culture) it's almost always the smaller, more girlish-looking guy who's the bottom. Those writers usually run with that idea and take it to extremes in fandoms outside of anime, and man does it ever suck.

If I come across a fic where a character gets pregnant, has an abortion and then decides that it was the right thing to do? I'm going to marry the author.

I have so much love for you right now.

Worse is when that idea is carried over into the slash areas. Then you have mpreg because, OMG it just isn't twu luv unless someone is popping out the fugly rug rats!

4. Rape heals all wounds

Those authors should just drop dead now. Kthnxby.

[kangeiko]

The writers I usually see that are most guilty of this travesty are the ones coming from anime fandoms where (in Japanese culture) it's almost always the smaller, more girlish-looking guy who's the bottom. Those writers usually run with that idea and take it to extremes in fandoms outside of anime, and man does it ever suck.

What annoys me most of all is the conflation of 'bottom' (i.e. person being penetrated) with 'submissive', which often goes hand-in-hand in these sorts of fics. By that logic, a woman can never ever be a dom. WTF? It takes superficial physical attributes and attempts to make them mean something about the person as a person. That's so full of stereotypes and prejudice the mind boggles.

Worse is when that idea is carried over into the slash areas. Then you have mpreg because, OMG it just isn't twu luv unless someone is popping out the fugly rug rats!

I don't understand MPREG, I really don't. I mean, even logistically speaking. In non-magical fandoms. Harry Potter, I can sorta see - not necessarily read, not my cuppa, but I can see them using magic and whatnot to explain it - but Man from UNCLE? ER? American Idol RPS, for crying out loud, I am SCARRED FOR LIFE, I am so not kidding. *shakes head* That's what I get for randomly clicking on links - I am never straying outside my slice of fandom again.